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The 11+ can feel like a big moment, not just for your child, but for you too. It’s one of the first major assessments they’ll face, and it’s completely normal for there to be nerves, questions, and a bit of uncertainty along the way.
At Atom, we know from years of supporting families through this journey that success isn’t just about what your child knows, it’s also about how they feel. Feeling confident, calm and supported can make all the difference.
This guide is here to help you talk about the 11+ in a way that feels reassuring, not overwhelming. You’ll find practical ways to open up conversations, ease anxiety, and help your child approach the exam with a clear head and a positive mindset, keeping wellbeing front and centre in your child’s exam preparation.
1. Help your child understand what the 11+ is
Talking about the 11+ can feel daunting, but how you frame it can make a big difference to how your child approaches it. Keep your explanations simple, age-appropriate, and positive. The aim is to help them feel informed, not overwhelmed.
You can explain that the 11+ is an entrance exam that some schools use to help decide who they offer places to, especially when there are more applicants than spaces available. Not all schools use it, and not all children sit the exam; it depends on the type of school and what is right for each family.
Avoid negative language and phrases like “this decides your future” or “this is a really important exam.” Instead, try reframing it with calm, encouraging language:
“You’ve already covered lots of these topics in school. This is just your chance to show what you can do and what you already know.”
“It’s not about being perfect. It’s about doing your best and giving it a go.”
The more positively you talk about the 11+, the more likely your child is to approach it with confidence rather than fear.
It can also help to break the exam down into the four main topics:
Our guide to 11 plus exams is a helpful read that gives you a clear overview of what to expect, including the subjects and question types your child is likely to encounter in the 11+.
Let your child know that Maths and English are topics they are already familiar with through what they have learnt at school. That familiarity is reassuring, reminding them that the content won’t be brand new, and with regular practice, they’ll grow in confidence.
You might say:
“The questions might look a bit different, but they’re testing things you’ve already learned at school”
“Think of this as your chance to show how much progress you’ve made.”
Most importantly, remind them that preparing for the 11+ is a journey. They don’t need to know everything right now; they just need to keep practising and improving, one step at a time.
Help your child feel confident and prepared with Atom
Pictured: Amelia's weekly progress plan in her personalised learning journey on Atom Home, a platform for 11+ exam preparation.
This is where Atom Home can really help. Atom takes the pressure out of exam preparation by breaking down the 11+ into short, focused learning sessions across Maths, English, Verbal Reasoning, and Non-Verbal Reasoning, the subjects covered in the test.
Every question is tailored to your child’s level, helping them build confidence gradually, with clear feedback and guidance along the way. You’ll also have full visibility of their progress, so you know when to step in and when to cheer them on.
It’s structured, supportive, and designed to feel achievable because preparing for the 11+ should build your child up, not wear them down.
2. Create space for honest, two-way conversations
Children don’t always say when they’re feeling anxious about the 11+, and often those feelings show up in other ways. You might notice that they are more withdrawn, easily upset, or complaining of things like tiredness, tummy aches, or trouble sleeping. These are all common signs that they are feeling overwhelmed, even if they are not sure how to put it into words.
That’s why it’s important to create calm, judgement-free moments leading up to the 11+ where they feel safe to open up. These conversations don’t need to happen face-to-face at the dinner table; relaxed settings like a walk, car ride, or bedtime are often better.
Keep your tone gentle and open-ended by asking questions like:
“How are you feeling about your work at the moment?”
“What has been on your mind about the 11+ lately?”
Be curious, not critical. You are not trying to ‘fix’ their feelings, just trying to understand them. Creating this space lets your child know it’s okay to talk and that you support them, no matter how they feel.
Watch our free webinar on supporting your child's wellbeing during exam preparation, for more guidance on how to help your child with they are showing anxiety towards the 11+.
3. Focus on effort, not just results
Shift the focus of your conversations away from marks and scores and direct them toward their effort, thinking, and progress. Let them know it’s not about being perfect; it’s about trying, learning, and improving over time.
If they get questions wrong, reassure them that it is part of the process. Mistakes aren’t a sign of failure but an opportunity to grow. Praise the way they tackle the challenges:
“I saw how you kept going, even when it got tricky, which shows great determination. Well done.”
“You tried a different method when you got stuck. That’s smart problem-solving.”
This kind of feedback reinforces a growth mindset, the belief that ability isn’t fixed but develops with effort and practice. Children who understand this are more likely to take on challenges with confidence and resilience, as they are less afraid to make mistakes.
If your child is preparing with Atom Home, they’ll experience this approach in action. Atom’s adaptive technology gently responds to your child’s answers in real time. When they make a mistake, the platform provides clear, encouraging teaching to help them understand why it happened and how to tackle it differently next time. Every slip-up becomes a learning opportunity, reinforcing not just knowledge, but confidence too.
Pictured: A child's answer breakdown, showing the correct and incorrect answers, with an explanation, a video and a helpsheet provided for additional support.
By focusing your encouragement on the process, not just the results, you are helping your child feel in control of their learning and better equipped to face challenges head-on.
4. Encourage them to feel in control of their revision
One of the best ways to ease stress around the 11+ is to involve your child in planning their revision. When they feel included in the conversation, rather than being told what to do, they are more likely to feel calm, motivated, and engaged in the process.
Start by talking together about what the weeks ahead might look like. Let them have a say in when and how they’d like to study, and then guide them gently to make sure it’s realistic. For example, ask them questions such as:
“What time of day do you feel most focused?”
“How about we try 20 minutes today and see how that feels?”
This shared approach helps take away the unknowns, and for many children, simply knowing what to expect can ease a lot of anxiety.
At Atom, we always recommend a little and often approach. Short, focused sessions (just 20–30 minutes a day) with Atom Home are proven to be the most effective way to build skills and confidence over time. It keeps learning productive but manageable, without becoming overwhelming or a source of tension at home.
By setting expectations together, you send your child a powerful message: you trust them to take responsibility, and you are right beside them to help it feel achievable. That kind of teamwork gets the best results for your child’s learning and wellbeing.
5. Talk about nerves and how to manage them
It’s normal for your child to feel nervous about the 11+; simply hearing that from you can be a huge relief. Let them know that nerves are nothing to be ashamed of and that they are a sign that something matters, and feeling anxious doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not ready.
Create calm and open moments to talk, keeping your tone light and reassuring, using gentle prompts like:
“It’s okay if you are feeling nervous, lots of people do. Do you want to talk about it?”
“You don’t have to figure it all out by yourself, I’m here to help.”
Give them a relatable example from your life where you have experienced nerves, e.g. giving a presentation at work. “I remember feeling nervous too.”
Even if they are not ready to talk right away, these moments of reassurance will help them to feel safe and supported. Knowing that you understand and they are not alone can make a big difference. You can also help your child build simple tools to help them manage their nerves whenever they arise:
Try deep breathing together
Take short movement breaks or gentle stretches
Listen to calming music or nature sounds
The aim isn’t to get rid of nerves completely, but to help your child build a set of tools they can turn to when things feel uncertain. These are strategies they won’t just use for the 11+, but for all kinds of challenges in the future.
For more support, read our full guide on how to help your child manage test anxiety.
6. Remind them that rest and play are essential parts of revision
When you talk to your child about preparing for the 11+, make sure rest and play are part of the conversation. It’s easy for children to feel like they should always be working, and feel guilty whenever they aren’t, which is not a productive balance. Helping them see that downtime is not only allowed but essential can ease anxiety and create a healthier approach to revision.
You might say:
“Rest helps your brain do its best work.”
“Let’s plan time for things you enjoy this week; it’s just as important as study time.”
If your child knows there’s space for fun and relaxation in their routine, they’re more likely to stay motivated and avoid burnout. That might mean walking, drawing, playing football in the garden, or reading a favourite book. Whatever it is, make it regular and talk about it like it’s part of the plan, not a break from it.
7. Help your child see the opportunity in the 11+
When you’re talking to your child about the 11+, try to keep the bigger picture in view. Yes, it’s an exam, but it’s also part of something exciting: the move to secondary school.
You can help ease some of the pressure by reminding them that this is just one step on the way to a brand-new chapter. One filled with opportunities to make new friends, try new subjects, join clubs, and enjoy a bit more independence.
Reassure them by reminding them that:
“This is just one step towards all the exciting stuff waiting for you at secondary school.”
“There’s so much to look forward to, think about all the new things you’ll get to try next year.”
Focusing on what comes next can help shift the conversation from pressure to possibility. You’re showing them that this isn’t a test of who they are, it’s the beginning of where they are going.
Want to help your child get excited about secondary school? Explore these helpful reads:
These articles can support your conversations and help your child feel confident and curious about what’s ahead.
8. The night before and the morning of the exam
The night before the 11+, your child may feel a mix of nerves and excitement, and that’s completely normal. What they need most from you is calm, steady reassurance.
Keep the evening relaxed, avoid last-minute cramming and focus instead on rest and routine. Help them lay out everything they’ll need in the morning, such as a water bottle, pencil case, and comfy clothes, so they wake up feeling prepared and not rushed.
To learn more about what your child will need on exam day, read our guide to 11 plus exams.
On the morning of the exam, try to keep things light and positive. A calm breakfast, a bit of fresh air if you can, and some quiet encouragement go a long way. Remind them of the work they’ve done and how proud you are already:
“You’ve worked hard and you are ready, just take it one question at a time.”
“No matter what happens today, I’m so proud of how much effort you’ve put in.”
This encouragement should continue after the exam, celebrating your child’s effort and taking the focus off how the exam went. Acknowledge how hard they worked, and plan something enjoyable together, no matter the outcome.
Your words matter more than you think
The 11+ can be a big step for your child, but how you talk about it can make all the difference. From building daily routines to offering reassurance in wobbly moments, your calm encouragement will help to shape how your child sees themselves and their attitude towards the exam.
You don’t need to have all the answers. Simply showing up, listening, and gently guiding your child through the highs and lows of preparation is more than enough. With the right balance of structure, rest, and emotional support, you are giving your child the best foundation, not just for the 11+, but for whatever comes next.
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